


Swan

by Jcapasso916



Series: Swan [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-18 22:30:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7333264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jcapasso916/pseuds/Jcapasso916
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam is the school nerd and Gabriel is the school superstar so what is it about the little runt that draws Gabriel in? All he knows is that he can't let on and so becomes the kids worst tormentor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first try with AU. Crossing my fingers that it goes well.

Sam walked down the hallway of his new school, hugging his thick books tightly to his chest. He was just starting tenth grade and it was his first year after Dean had graduated, and at a new school at that. It was a nightmare. He really wished his father would stop moving around so much and he couldn’t wait for the day he turned eighteen and didn’t have to go with him anymore. It probably wouldn’t be so bad if he could just get a growth spurt already…if he was ever going to get one. He was the shortest kid in school and scrawny too. He was quickly labeled a nerd and a teacher’s pet because he liked to learn and actually answered the teacher’s questions. Still, it hadn’t been so bad until he somehow caught HIS eye. 

Gabriel, captain and star of the nationally ranked varsity soccer team had noticed the new guy about a week after he’d started and he had no idea what it was about the younger boy that drew him in like a moth to flame, but he knew he couldn’t let on. To anyone. So whenever he caught himself checking out the little sophomore he would make it seem like it was for another reason. He still remembered their introduction. Gabriel had breezed by, bumping hard into him making him stumble and drop his books. “Watch it kid,” he’d called annoyed, kicking one of the larger books for good measure. 

Sam, now, just did his best to make it through the days without getting noticed. He was the number one target for all the jocks in the school now. He couldn’t even be lucky enough for Gabriel to be a senior. No, the annoying blonde had to be a junior. Only one year ahead of Sam. And of course he had to be gorgeous, not that Sam would ever admit that to anyone, even under pain of death. That amazing dark blonde wavy hair and those honey brown eyes that made him just want to drown. He was sure that Gabriel had noticed the few times he hadn’t been quick enough to look away. That was what all this was about. 

Gabriel hadn’t noticed. In fact, he did his level best to notice as little about Sam Winchester as he could manage, which unfortunately he wasn’t very good at. He also tried his best not to get annoyed when other people would pick on the nerdy kid too. Gabriel was just a general nuisance. Some people could be pure evil. Gabriel made fun of him for his study habits, made a habit of manhandling his books and laughing as Sam crawled around on the floor to retrieve them and taking the opportunity to check out Sam’s ass in the process. He would push him around a little, occasionally even trip him, make fun of his drunk dad and his lack of friends, but he had lines he wouldn’t cross. 

When some of the football players stripped Sam naked and shoved him out onto the football field at halftime at the homecoming game, Gabriel was nearly apoplectic. They found their locker room floors coated with bacon grease, itching powder in their jock straps and fire ants in their lockers and Gabriel still wasn’t satisfied. He couldn’t do anything overt of course, and no one ever found out who was behind those pranks, but when he caught a few of them glaring at Sam, he resolved to tone it down. It wouldn’t do to make him even more of a target. 

When the fag insult started flying at him at the start of his junior year, Sam was sure he knew where it originated, and tried even harder to pretend Gabriel didn’t exist. He would have been wrong though. Gabriel was just as bothered by it as Sam was. Sam also noticed how Gabriel increased his taunting around that time too and figured he was just as disgusted by the idea as the rest when in reality the older boy was just trying to keep his own preferences hidden. 

When Sam was cornered in the bathroom by some of the other kids on the soccer team and badly beaten for the rumor about him being gay, Gabriel was horrified. He watched Sam being loaded on the stretcher and put in the ambulance and he was ready to kill someone. He gave the ringleader a piece of his mind, framing as a matter of he couldn’t risk getting kicked off the team because then where would their titles go. Not to mention he was on track for a pro career and something like this could sink his chances. Not only did it allow him to yell at the bastard, but it was the perfect cover for what happened at their next practice when Gabriel ‘accidentally’ took a nasty slide and James was checking into the hospital as Sam was getting released, any chance of a pro career shattered along with his knee. 

When Gabriel was at the hospital checking James in and pretending to apologize profusely for what happened, he saw Sam being wheeled out by his miraculously not drunk for once father, not missing the bear in Sam’s lap that he would never admit to sending anonymously, and pretended not to have seen him, and more importantly made sure that James didn’t see him either. Once Sam was back at school the next week, Gabriel laid off for the most part. He tossed a few stray comments here and there, but the heavy taunting was absent and he didn’t lay a hand on him or his property. At least for a while. 

By the time Sam was off the crutches, Gabriel’s friends were making comments about him going easy on Sam, so he picked it up again to save face. He told them he just thought it was crossing a line to be too mean to a kid on crutches and left it at that. Even after that, he kept the physical abuse to bumps designed to make him drop his books. He stopped shoving him or tripping him. It brought back too many bad memories. No one really noticed the change, or at least they didn’t comment on it. 

Sam saw Gabriel’s graduation day as the happiest day of his life. He would have one last year free of his tormentor before his own graduation. If he wasn’t mistaken, he thought he was finally starting to hit a growth spurt too. Maybe senior year wouldn’t be so bad. He tried not to be bitter when he heard that Gabriel had been signed to the men’s national soccer team. He didn’t want to be that kind of person that got upset at another person’s success. It had to be the one person who had made his life a living hell though? He instead satisfied himself with the thought that the school superstar would be very far away for hopefully a very long time. 

Sam did, in fact, hit a growth spurt that summer and was just over six feet tall when he got back to school in the fall. He was still just as scrawny as ever though, but hey. He couldn’t have everything. He was tall and his tormentors were gone and he was a senior. Life was good. He managed to stay mostly under the radar for his last year. Some of the other jocks that were still there taunted him a little bit here and there, but there was a new school superstar and he had his own favorite target and there wasn’t really enough support for picking on Sam to become a movement. He could handle a few insults here and there. He just ignored them and graduated with honors, heading off to Stanford, just a few towns over.


	2. Chapter 2

Ten years later, Gabriel was returning to his hometown, well near his hometown. The nearest big city anyway. It would be better for what he wanted to do with his life now. He had come out as gay a couple years ago. The media lauded him for his courage. His teammates were openly supportive. Behind closed doors was a different story. Oh no one was nasty, but he caught the looks and the way everyone hastily covered themselves and made for the nearest exit every time he walked in the locker room. He still wasn’t sure that it wasn’t the reason his career was over now. He definitely recognized the move that took out his knee. He’d done it before after all. He didn’t throw a fit though. He retired with grace. Spent a few weeks in the hospital then nine months in physical therapy and let it go. He figured he had it coming anyway. 

Over all that time though, he’d never stopped thinking about Sam Winchester. He’d grabbed a computer a hundred times to look him up; to apologize, to explain, to confess his undying love, whatever. He never made it past that first keystroke though before he shook his head and walked away. Sam wouldn’t welcome any contact with him. He probably hated him. He had often wondered it was fate that had them meeting back then, and if he’d just thrown away everything he could have had. If only he hadn’t been so worried about what everyone else thought. If he hadn’t been so concerned with saving face. If he hadn’t been so insecure and scared. He swore to himself more times than he could count over the years that if fate ever threw Sam Winchester in his path again, he would grab on with both hands and never let go. He couldn’t quite manage to seek him out, but he wouldn’t deny fate again. 

Sam owned and ran a cyber-café. He had majored in information systems in college, and got in at the beginning of the cyber-café craze. He did his best to keep everything up to date, but otherwise it was a simple job. He just sat behind the counter on his own computer, checking people in and out from time to time and basically just keeping the peace. It helped that no one would dare upset the owner when the owner was six four and build like a bodybuilder. Sam had most definitely grown out of his awkward stage. Maybe a little later than most, but also much farther than most. 

He had rarely thought about Gabriel since high school. Usually just when he hit the news for something major. When they made it to the finals for the world cup with Gabriel at the helm of the offense about five years ago. When the media went nuts over his announcement that he was gay three years after that. That one was a real shocker for Sam. Then again, less than a year later when a training injury destroyed his career. He hadn’t really considered where Gabriel might end up or what he would do now that his lifelong dream was crushed. Not until the man in question walked right into the cyber-café and handed his ID over absentmindedly. 

Gabriel usually hated places like this, but he had just gotten back to town and used the last of his savings to rent an apartment. The soccer club covered most of his medical bills but between the little bit that he didn’t cover and living for nearly a year with no income while he focused on learning to walk again, his savings had taken a big hit. Needless to say, he couldn’t afford to get internet in his apartment right now and his new job that had just started didn’t exactly pay much, so in the meantime, he was stuck going to these yuppy places filled with the teenagers that he hated for the time in his life they reminded him of whenever he needed to use the internet. 

He didn’t look up until he heard the man behind the counter stutter a little bit but quickly cover it. As usual in places where they were worn, his eye first went to the name tag. Even after all these years, his breath still gave a little hitch whenever he heard…or read…the name Sam, but this time when he continued looking up and met those hazel eyes that he knew so well, he forgot for a moment how to breathe. “Sam…” he said in barely more than a whisper. 

Sam cursed when he realized that Gabriel had recognized him. How had he done that? He looked nothing at all like he had the last time they’d seen each other. No one from high school ever recognized him. Well occasionally someone would from senior year, but even that was rare. Gabriel just took one look at him and knew immediately and that was very unsettling. Almost as unsettling as his presence in the first place. Sam handed him back his ID and said, “You can set up at terminal ten.” Maybe sending him to the back corner…as far away as he could get…would help Sam relax a little bit. 

“Sam, can we talk?” Gabriel asked hopefully. 

“I’m working,” Sam said shortly. 

“Okay. Yeah. Maybe after work?”

“I work late,” Sam told him. 

“Okay then before work? Maybe coffee or something?” 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Sam said still not looking at the man who was just as breathtaking as he remembered. It definitely wasn’t a good idea. 

“Sam, please? I just…I want to apologize,” Gabriel said reaching out a hand to Sam’s arm. It wasn’t until that moment, when he felt the muscles rippling under his hand that he looked at the rest of his high school crush, beyond the eyes that had him entranced. Jesus, Sam was beautiful. When Sam started to pull his arm away, Gabriel pulled back his hand like he’d been scalded. Sometimes he forgot that people didn’t like him touching them. Especially straight male people. “Sorry,” he said sheepishly. 

“I’ll consider that your apology, and we can just let it go,” Sam said shortly. 

Gabriel wasn’t going to give up that easily though. “Okay, then maybe we can catch up.”

“Yeah probably not,” Sam said dismissively. 

Gabriel’s face fell. He should have expected that. He did expect that. He didn’t see how trying any more right now could be anything less than plain out harassment and he’d done enough of that to Sam for more than one lifetime so he just nodded sadly and took the access card Sam was still holding out to him and went to the computer Sam had indicated, swallowing around the lump in his throat and blinking the tears from his eyes before anyone could see them. 

Gabriel only had enough money for half an hour right now, which was all he needed to fill out the forms he needed to get the rest of his medical reimbursement and transfer his remaining physical therapy here. The next morning before work, he made a stop at the pawn shop and pawned his computer. It would be at least a few months before he had enough money to get internet at home anyway and he could always get another cheap one somewhere then if necessary. In the meantime, he could afford to spend more time at the cyber-café. 

He declined getting a weekly access card. He would pay the little bit more for the chance to talk to Sam every day, and it wasn’t until a few days in that Gabriel noticed something that gave him just a little bit of hope. Not much, given the fact that Sam still wouldn’t even talk to him, but some. Sam was checking out the delivery guy. It didn’t take long for even that hope to fade though. He had just gone from no chance in hell of being friends to no chance in hell of having everything he’d ever dreamed of and somehow it only hurt worse knowing that he had no one to blame but himself. 

He never forgot what he had promised himself though, and he wasn’t going to give up on Sam. He shook off his funk and even stepped up to light flirting when he was checking in and out. Nothing obvious. Nothing that would draw attention or even likely be noticed by most people. Sam noticed though and it irritated the hell out of him. He was just hoping that one of these days Gabriel would do something to justify throwing him out…for good. Technically, as the owner it was his prerogative to do that to anyone anyway, but he wasn’t going to be petty.


	3. Chapter 3

Gabriel, true to his word, never gave up. He never pushed beyond Sam’s patience, never crossed the line from overly friendly into harassment. Sam, for his part, behaved politely and professionally, never giving an inch. He knew exactly why Gabriel was suddenly interested. The same reason everyone was suddenly interested and there was no way he was going there. Ever. 

It was two weeks later and the money that Gabriel had gotten for pawning his computer was dwindling and he had started dieting and cutting other corners to fund his internet café habit. While he was sitting there at the computer, doing not much of anything beyond glancing up at Sam every chance he got, he heard a scuffle off to the side and when he looked over it was like he’d been transported back in time. The aggressor was a brunette not a blonde, and the kid on the floor had thick glasses, but otherwise it could have been a flashback. 

Gabriel jumped out of his seat, knelt down and retrieved the kid’s book and handed it to him. “Are you okay?” he asked gently. 

The other kid looked at him and said in awe, “Dude! You’re Gabriel Engelstrom! The greatest soccer player ever!”

“Yeah, and let me give you a little advice. You treat people like that and it’s gonna come back and bite you in the ass. You might even…” his voice caught as his eyes glanced to the side to see Sam helping the other kid up. “lose a chance you’ve always wanted.” He blinked rapidly before turning back to the bully. “Now get out of here, and remember what I said.”

He made his way quickly out the door and the other kid went back to his computer as Gabriel tried to pull himself up off the floor. His knee wasn’t in good enough shape for all that. He was surprised when he felt a strong hand steady him and help him to his feet. He swallowed around the lump in his throat and once he was standing he said quickly, “Thank you Sam,” pulling his access card out of his computer and pressing it to Sam’s chest not waiting to see if he grabbed it as he headed out the door without looking back. 

He walked the three blocks back to his apartment as quickly as he could manage before he let the tears fall. He knew how horrible he had been. There had never been any doubt, but seeing it from the outside like that. Seeing the look on the kids face and imagining that look on Sam’s…he had never looked at Sam’s face while he was being cruel to him. He could never bear to. He wished he had. Maybe it would have changed things. If he’d seen that look on Sam’s face…

He took a deep shaky breath as he let his head fall back against the door, that being as far as he’d made it. “I’m so sorry Sam,” he whispered to a perpetually empty apartment as he managed to push off away from the door and headed to the kitchen to get some ice for his knee and he allowed himself the remainder of the evening to wallow in pity before he got up the next day put it behind him and pushed forward. 

When he got to the cyber-café after work that day, Sam already had his access card ready and Gabriel didn’t have the strength to flirt today. He didn’t even know why he was here today beyond habit. When he went to take the card from Sam though, the tall man held onto it until Gabriel looked up at him. “I close up at midnight. If you still want to talk be here then,” he said shortly and let go of the card and turned back to his computer signaling the end of the conversation. 

Gabriel wasn’t about to say anything and risk the offer being rescinded. Tomorrow was Wednesday. His early day. He had physical therapy at six am and started work at eight am so after midnight was way late to be up, but he wasn’t going to pass up this chance for anything. So he would be a little tired tomorrow. Big deal. He did his two hours for the day and headed home for a while. He showed back up at quarter till twelve and waited patiently and silently for closing and then watched as Sam let the last of the customer’s out the door and locked it behind them. 

Sam turned to Gabriel and said, “Look I know exactly what’s going on here so why don’t we just call it like it is and give up the act okay?” 

“And what do you think it is?” Gabriel asked. 

“I think that you come limping back home, whole life shattered, to find the high school nerd grew into a hottie so you figure ‘hey might as well’,” Sam said harshly. “I’m not some trophy or a distraction to help you forget what a loser you are now.”

“Ok let’s get one thing straight. I am not a loser. I was a damn good player at the height of my career before some homophobic dipshit decided to take a cheap shot.”

“I thought it was a training accident,” Sam said suspiciously. 

“As far as the rest of the world is concerned, it was. I know that move though. It’s the same one I used on James after he put you in the hospital,” Gabriel told him. 

“Yeah. Right,” Sam scoffed. “You actually expect me to believe that you ‘deliberately’ injured your star wing back…permanently…two weeks before nationals? And for doing something that you’d done a hundred times yourself?” 

“Don’t you dare, Sam,” Gabriel snarled heatedly. “I was an asshole. I’ll admit that and I’ll apologize until I’m blue in the face, but I never, EVER, put you in the hospital. At MOST, the worst you ever got from me was a bruise or two.” 

“Oh because that’s so much better? They may have beat me up a couple times, but you were there all the time. You beat me down so far emotionally…mentally…I didn’t...” Sam cut himself off abruptly. “You did far more damage than they ever did,” he snapped. 

Gabriel looked stricken at that. “I’m sorry, Sam. I am so, so, sorry,” his voice broke slightly. He had a rule against letting anyone see him cry…ever…especially since he’d come out of the closet. No one needed the ammunition. But he knew if he retreated here he’d probably never get another chance. “If I could take it back, I would. I swear I would.” He could feel the tears escaping from his eyes, but didn’t acknowledge them. “I was a stupid, scared, kid trying so hard to hide my own insecurities, my own feelings, that I lashed out. I’m sorry.”

“And that makes it okay?” Sam asked heatedly. 

“No. It doesn’t. Nothing ever could. But you need to know that you weren’t the only one suffering, Sam. I hid my own suffering and threw it at you. You never did anything wrong. I’m sorry, Sam. You didn’t deserve that…”

“What?” Sam’s head snapped up as he narrowed his eyes searchingly. “What did you say?” 

Gabriel looked confused for a minute before it dawned on him. “I’m sorry, Sam. You didn’t deserve that. I wish I could see you smile, but this will have to do.”

“That was you?” he asked finally losing some of his anger at the reminder of the bear he got in the hospital and the card that came with it. Gabriel gave a sort of half-nod half-shrug as he looked away. Sam was floored. That was the one bright spot of that entire two years of his life. He even still had the bear, as a reminder. “Why?” he asked plaintively. “Why me?” 

“Because the first time I saw you, I looked in your eyes and I was lost. And I was terrified. Because I wanted you, but I shouldn’t. I couldn’t. I was scared and confused and insecure and I took it out on you because you were the easiest target and I wish I could take it back. I wish I could do it all over again.”

“And I’m supposed to believe you?” Sam asked. “You walked in here a few weeks ago and saw someone gorgeous that you wanted to get into bed and you’ve had weeks to think up all these responses. To rewrite high school from your point of view. Do you really expect me to believe that all that grief, was just because you had a crush on me? You, Mr. popular perfect life?”

Gabriel sighed. He knew that Sam had a point. If their positions were reversed he wouldn’t believe him either. He wiped the traitorous tears from his face. “No. I guess not,” he said defeated as his shoulders slumped and he turned towards the door. Nothing else was said as Sam unlocked the door and let him out, locking it again behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

Gabriel went home and fell into bed, but sleep was a long time coming. He knew of one way he could possibly convince Sam. Could he do it though? Could he go that far? To give someone who clearly hated him, albeit with very good reason, full access to every thought and feeling and fear and hope and secret he’d had. In the end, he admitted what he always knew from the moment he thought of it. If he didn’t try, then he would always wonder what could have been. If it could have made a difference. It would have to wait until the weekend though, when he had the time and the money to make the trip. 

Gabriel woke up the next morning, having only gotten about three hours of sleep and, of course, got a lecture from his physical therapist about how proper rest is essential to the healing process. He just tuned it out. He’d heard it a thousand times before from a dozen different doctors. He knew the speech by heart almost, and he usually listened. Some things were just more important. It would be a lot easier when a more reasonable time opened up, but due to the short notice he was stuck with the crack of dawn on one of his two early days. Thankfully he was able to get the eight am on Friday for PT since he didn’t have to work until ten, but he would have to wait another month for eight am Tuesday slot to open up. Monday and Wednesday he had to work at eight am though. He dragged through the day, not that he let it show, and skipped the cyber-café after work. In fact, he wasn’t going to go back until he had his proof ready to hand over. 

Sam wouldn’t admit that he actually missed Gabriel when he didn’t come in. He had been trying steadfastly to ignore that little voice inside him that wondered if he had been telling the truth and wondering if it would matter if he were. Truth was he had been so accustomed to seeing Gabriel there at that time of day that it almost seemed empty without him. When Sam didn’t see him for the rest of the week he wondered if Gabriel was planning to come back at all. Sam knew that Gabriel never came by on the weekends. He wouldn’t lower himself to actually asking the kids he’d hired for the weekends, but he checked the logs out of curiosity. 

Gabriel was busy on Saturday mornings, but right after lunch he got in his rarely used car and hit the road, heading back home. He’d deliberately picked Saturday because he knew that neither of his parents would be home. This wasn’t a social trip and he wasn’t in the mood to socialize. They’d made their views on his lifestyle very clear and he had no intention of dealing with them. He walked around the back door and picked the lock. He suspected they left his room intact for appearances sake. Don’t want anyone to know they are closed-minded enough to disown the queer son after all. Even if they didn’t, he doubted they had found his hiding places. 

He was right. His room was exactly the way he left it, not counting the coating of dust covering every surface in the room. He quickly found what he was looking for and then decided to take the opportunity, before it disappeared, to grab the few other things he wanted to keep now that he had a stationary place to live. It wasn’t much. There was very little in this house that appealed to him and he hated most reminders of high school. Everything except his soccer awards. He grabbed an old cardboard box and piled them all in, going all the way back to his toddler soccer league. Everything else he left behind and snuck back out the back door, locking it behind him and started the long drive back to Palo Alto. 

Monday afternoon, Sam almost smiled when Gabriel walked in, but stopped himself just in time. He did notice that Gabriel had a backpack with him this time. That was new. Gabriel looked around to make sure he wouldn’t be holding up a line before he put the backpack on the counter and opened it. He pulled out a wooden box about the size of a large dictionary with two separate padlocks and a combination lock on it and set it on the counter. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out two keys, one on a keychain, the other on a long circle of string like it was worn as a necklace. “Feel free to use bolt cutters on the combination lock or just smash the thing. Whatever. I can’t remember the combination.”

“Gabriel…what…”

“I brought you the whole box just in case you want to do the full mccoy. I figure some forensic specialist could probably prove somehow that it hasn’t been opened in about ten years if you wanted to be that sure.” Gabriel’s heart was beating out of his chest at the very idea of doing this, but he didn’t see a choice. He pulled one of his cards from work out of his wallet and wrote on the back. “Here’s my home number and address, just in case you wanna talk or something after…yeah.” He didn’t want to give away what was in the box, so he just set the card on top and turned and walked out without another word. 

Sam just blinked at the box for a moment trying to figure out what the hell was going on before he set it aside to consider later. If he thought about it too much right now it would drive him insane and he didn’t exactly have any bolt cutters with him and smashing the whole box would draw a ton of attention from the half full café. As it was he was itching to get his hands on it by the time he closed up for the night. His curiosity had always been his greatest weakness. He didn’t even clean up after closing. He would come back later and do it, or do it early tomorrow, or just skip a day. How dirty could the desks and floors get in one day after all. It wasn’t like any of the high school and college kids would even notice. 

He grabbed the box and everything that came with it and headed upstairs to his loft. He didn’t have any bolt cutters up there, but he did have some tools and he was sure that something would get this box open. He was nice enough to unlock the two padlocks and remove them first. There was no reason to ruin perfectly good locks. He settled on just using a hammer to remove the part where the combination lock was attached, and he opened it and looked inside to see…a journal? Seriously? What the hell was this? He opened it to the first page and started reading. 

 

Ok so this is stupid, but some show said that sometimes writing about stuff you can’t say helps it not seem so bad so I might as well try it and if anyone is reading this you better stop or I’ll have to kill you.

 

Sam snorted in laughter. He looked at the date at the top of the page and did some quick math. Gabriel would have been about thirteen. Most of the first entry went much the same way as the opening. It wasn’t until the second entry that Sam felt like he was intruding as Gabriel went on a rant about his parents and how they were so closed-minded and made him feel like he was invisible unless he was doing something grand and perfect or they were showing him off to other people. By the third entry he had stopped reading and just started flipping through. He didn’t need to know all of this and he was starting to get an idea of why Gabriel had given Sam his journal to begin with so he was looking for something specific. 

He skimmed the dates until he found his first day at that school and sure enough Gabriel had written about him. He continued reading right up until the end of the journal. It stopped the day he left for training camp for the national team. Everything he read supported Gabriel story about being scared and confused and alone and lashing out at the easiest possible target. It was enlightening reading about their first meeting from Gabriel’s point of view. One of his friends had apparently seen him looking at Sam so he played it off by bumping into him and kicking his books around making it seem like he’d been planning it so they wouldn’t know that he liked Sam. 

Sam was floored. The idea that someone could have liked him at all back then, when he was short and scrawny and nerdy, much less someone like Gabriel, though he was beginning to realize that Gabriel wasn’t at all what he seemed to be, but that didn’t change the fact that he was popular and gorgeous and everyone loved him, but he had liked Sam. It didn’t make any sense to him. And apparently he still did like Sam if his behavior since he’d gotten here was anything to go by. The question was whether he could look past all the crap that Gabriel put him through and see him for who he was. He decided that he didn’t have much choice. Not if he was going to be the kind of person he wanted to be. He couldn’t continue holding ten-year-old offenses against someone who had obviously changed and was remorseful. He would give it a chance and try to get to know Gabriel for who he was now.


	5. Chapter 5

Sam didn’t end up getting to sleep until the sun was starting to come up, so he didn’t wake up until it was time to open up. He wasn’t sure if Gabriel would come in today or if he was planning to wait to hear from Sam. Giving him his address and phone number would imply that he wasn’t coming, but Sam could hope. Not that they could really have the conversation that Sam wanted to have during business hours, but he found himself hoping to see Gabriel and that both terrified him and exhilarated him. He had no idea what he was doing, and he knew that after everything Gabriel had put him through in high school that he should be running for the hills, but he could understand now. It didn’t mean Gabriel was right, but he had changed and that was the important thing. 

When Gabriel didn’t come by that afternoon, Sam locked up and went directly to bed, setting his alarm for early the next morning. He knew he could just try to call Gabriel, but payback was only fair. Gabriel always came to see him at work, so he would do the same. He had noticed by the card that Gabriel worked at the local high school. He couldn’t be that busy during the summer anyway. He was surprised to hear a commotion coming from the soccer fields when he walked over to the school and headed that direction only to stop dead in his tracks at the sight. 

Gabriel was surrounded by a group of young disabled children and he was teaching them to play soccer. He hid himself slightly in the shadow of a nearby tree to watch. He wished he could hear what was being said, but Gabriel seemed to have infinite patience with them. One of the girls who looked to have down’s syndrome or something similar missed a kick and sat down on the ground and started crying and Gabriel went over to her and kneeled in front of her. Sam wasn’t sure what he said, but she seemed to cheer up and Gabriel wiped her tears and helped her to her feet before struggling to get up himself. 

Sam was considering going over to help him when another man, probably Gabriel’s assistant, beat him to it. Gabriel suddenly looked his direction and Sam thought he was spotted until he noticed that Gabriel was looking at the bleachers a few feet away where a mom sat with her son that had a prosthetic leg and hugging a soccer ball on his lap. Gabriel motioned for the other guy to take over with the kids as he came over to the bleachers and Sam slid behind the tree. He wanted to see what happened. 

Gabriel came over and sat down next to the boy, who must have been seven or eight, and said, “Hey there. I’m Gabriel.”

The boy seemed at a loss for words so the mom spoke up. “This is Josh. He’s a big fan of yours. When he found out you were teaching at the camp here he wanted to come and watch.”

“Oh? Just watch? Not play?” Gabriel asked curiously addressing the question to the boy who just pointed at his prosthetic leg. 

“Yeah. That’s a pretty nice leg. How does it work?” Gabriel asked him easily. 

The boy’s mom spoke again. “He barely uses it. The doctors keep telling him to get out and use it, but he won’t.”

That was all Gabriel needed to hear. He wouldn’t push the boy to come play if the doctors didn’t want him on the leg, but as long as it was safe… “How about I make a deal with you Josh. If you’ll come play with us for an hour, I’ll sign that ball for you,” he said. Now that he knew the boy had no intention of playing and that he was a fan of Gabriel’s it was obvious what he had brought the ball for. 

“I…I can’t,” Josh said sadly. 

“Nonsense. Anyone can play. Might take us a little bit to figure out how your leg works for it, but that’s a piece of cake,” Gabriel assured him. “Come on,” he coaxed, standing up and holding out his hand. Josh nervously took it and when Gabriel turned to head back to the field with the boy, he saw Sam standing next to the tree, having stepped out in the open. He’d seen enough. There wasn’t any doubt in his mind anymore that Gabriel was a completely different person than he had been in high school. 

Gabriel did a double take at him before he gave a nervous smile. “I have my break in an hour if you want to talk then,” he offered and Sam nodded, returning the nervous smile with a warm one. Sam sat down on the bleachers to wait and he was awed with how good Gabriel was with the kids. Gabriel took a good ten minutes with the boy working on balance and how to compensate for his prosthetic leg before he got all the kids together and had a scrimmage. 

Once the hour was up the kids headed inside with the assistant and Gabriel had an hour off before his next batch. He walked back over with Josh, and took his ball, and the marker that Josh handed him and wrote, ‘it was great playing with you’, and signed his name. “And remember Josh. Never let anything hold you back from doing whatever you want to do okay?” 

“Okay!” Josh said happily as he headed off with his mom. 

“That was nice of you,” Sam said.

Gabriel gave a sheepish shrug. “I don’t ever want to see a kid left out because he thinks he’s not good enough. Or ignored because he’s not the best at something,” he explained. The only thing on his mind was the journal that Sam had apparently read and he felt completely exposed. “There’s a diner around the corner I usually eat lunch at,” he said with a hint of suggestion. 

“Lead the way,” Sam told him with a smile.

As they were walking, he asked Sam, “How much did you read?” 

“Just the first couple pages, then I skipped to the part where I came in and read the rest of it,” Sam told him. He had been floored to find out how much Gabriel had slyly gotten revenge for him on the nastier things that were done to him, but the biggest kicker was, “I still can’t believe you took out your best friend and teammate and killed his chances at a pro career just because he beat me up.”

“Yeah, well. I was little asshole. That was taking it too far regardless, but don’t downplay what he did. He didn’t just beat you up. I watched you get wheeled out on a stretcher and put in an ambulance, Sam. I would never have forgiven that.”

Sam remembered the gut-wrenching fear he had read about from that day. He could even see the splotches on that page from what he assumed were tears. “I still have that bear, you know,” Sam told him.

Gabriel’s lips quirked into an almost hopeful smile as they walked into the diner and the waitress came over and took Sam’s order. She already knew what Gabriel wanted. He ordered the same thing every day. “I’m glad you liked it,” Gabriel said with a blush once they were alone again. 

“If you come by the cyber-café this afternoon, I’ll give you your book back. I’m not gonna read any more of it,” Sam told him. “I didn’t think you’d want it with you at work though so I didn’t bring it.”

“Just burn it,” Gabriel told him. “I burned all my other ones anyway, and would have burned that one a long time ago if I’d had it with me.”

“You don’t wanna…do it yourself?” Sam asked.

“I trust you, Sam. If you say you’ll do it, I know you will,” Gabriel told him. 

“I will,” Sam said sincerely bowled over by the trust that Gabriel was placing in him. He’d read enough of that journal to know that he could easily make Gabriel’s life a living hell with it and not only had Gabriel given it to him in the first place, but he trusted him to dispose of it too. 

“I’m surprised you didn’t read it all,” Gabriel said, fishing for information. 

“Once I realized how personal it was, I just skipped to the part I knew you wanted me to read,” Sam told him. 

“Well I didn’t particularly ‘want’ you to read any of it, but yeah. I get what you mean.”

“Then why…” Sam asked. He could see how uncomfortable Gabriel was with the idea. If their situations were reversed, he was sure he would rather die than let anyone even get a peek at that journal. Surely nothing could be that important. 

“It was the only way to make you see, to make you believe,” Gabriel told him as their food arrived. 

“Do you blame me?” Sam asked gently, not wanting to start an argument, but wanting to make sure that Gabriel didn’t fault him for that. 

“No. I don’t. I wouldn’t have believed me if I were you either,” he said sadly.

Sam tried to keep his breathing steady while his heart beat out of his chest and moved a shaky hand over Gabriel’s. “I’m sorry it had to go that far. Thank you.”

Gabriel was also doing his best to keep his cool at the contact as he turned his hand slightly and loosely threaded their fingers together, surprised when Sam didn’t pull away.


	6. Chapter 6

Sam’s fingers twitched, pulling Gabriel’s in a little more firmly. “So I’m curious. What changed you?” 

“It wasn’t any one thing really. There was no big grand epiphany or terrible experience that snapped me out of it. It was mostly just growing up and getting out in the world and seeing life. It helped that I wasn’t under so much pressure…well under the same kind of pressure anyway. It was still pretty high pressure, but it was in a completely different way.”

“How so?” Sam asked, making conversation. 

“Well in high school, it was all pressure to fit in, to be noticed and to stand out not by being different, but by being better. It was like being different was a disease. Out there on the road with the team, no one gave a shit if you had blue hair or piercings or tattoos or what kind of music you liked or movies you watched, as long as you kept your head in the game. But at the same time, the pressure to do that was a lot more. We had planned diets, nutritionists, training nearly constantly, both on the field and in the gym. Every physical aspect of our lives was monitored and controlled.”

“I don’t know if I could put up with that,” Sam said distastefully. 

“Yeah, it took some getting used to. The worst part for me was giving up the cakes and candy,” Gabriel laughed. “At least they still let us have hard candy and lollipops or I would have been a goner.”

Sam laughed along with him. Back in high school, Gabriel’s sweet tooth had been legendary. No one could ever understand how he could eat so many sweets and still stay in such perfect physical condition, but somehow he managed it. 

“So your turn. What did you get up to after high school?” Gabriel asked. 

“Well I got into Stanford on a full scholarship,” Sam started. 

Gabriel whistled appreciatively. “Nice. Always knew you’d do great.”

Sam couldn’t help but smile at that as he continued. “Graduated with a masters in information technology, and noticed how many people were stuck using completely inadequate computer labs and overcrowded libraries because of either lack of a working computer or lack of decent internet and so the cyber-café was born. Always the most up to date equipment, lightning fast internet, top of the line internet security, etc.”

“Yeah I’ve noticed it seems to be a hit with the younger crowd,” Gabriel joked as he squeezed Sam’s hand affectionately. 

“You say that like we’re so old,” Sam laughed. 

“Hey ask most of your customers and they’ll tell you that twenty-nine is positively ancient. Why, I’m almost thirty!” Gabriel said aghast as Sam just kept laughing at him. 

“So now you work with disabled kids?” Sam asked. 

“I work with lots of kids. Different groups at different times. I saw enough kids get told and treated like they weren’t good enough to want to make a difference. This has been my plan for retirement for a long time. I just never intended it to be so soon,” he said with a shrug. 

“You said you knew the guy took you out on purpose. You didn’t say anything?” Sam asked. That was one thing he had trouble wrapping his head around. 

“Can’t prove it. And even if I could, I had it coming. What goes around comes around, ya know. No. Making a fuss would just drag everyone through the mud. My career is over either way. Might as well keep my dignity intact.”

Sam couldn’t honestly disagree with any of that, and was amazed at how mature Gabriel was being about it. If it were him, he would have thrown a full out fit until something was done and at the very least, drag the guy’s name through the mud. His respect for Gabriel was growing in leaps and bounds. Sam rubbed his thumb over the back of Gabriel’s hand. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that,” he said sympathetically. 

“Everything happens for a reason,” Gabriel said smiling at Sam and Sam blushed as he realized what Gabriel meant. 

The moment was, of course, broken by the alarm on Sam’s watch going off. He looked apologetically at Gabriel, “I need to go open up.”

“Yeah. Of course. I still have some time if you want some company for the walk?” Gabriel suggested hopefully. This was going better than he ever could have dreamed and he didn’t want it to end just yet. 

“Yeah. That’d be great,” Sam said with a grin as he pulled out his wallet, letting go of Gabriel’s hand to do so. “I got it,” he told Gabriel before he could pull out his own. Part of Gabriel wanted to argue the point, but the part of him that was flat broke won out and he settled for just thanking him. “What time do you have to be back?” 

“Not until twelve,” Gabriel told him. It was a fifteen-minute walk from the cyber-café to the school and a ten-minute walk from here to the cyber-café and he still had forty-five minutes left of his lunch break, getting an hour and a half on his early days. 

“So you’ll have time to hang out for a bit while I’m setting up?” Sam asked/offered as they walked out the door.

“Yeah. For a bit,” Gabriel said with a grin, brushing the back of his hand against Sam’s as they walked in a way that could have been an accident or could have been an invitation if Sam chose to take him up on it. He knew he was pushing his luck and he should just quit while he was ahead. It just wasn’t in his nature though. Sam didn’t take the invitation, but that was okay. The street was pretty busy and it would be a far more public and obvious declaration than holding hands on a table in a deserted diner. At least that was what the hopeful part of him argued. The hopeful part seemed to be right more often than not today though. 

They got to the building and went in the back. Gabriel noticed the stairs going up and guessed that Sam lived over the business like many people did. He didn’t think the second floor was in use anyway. He looked around with wide eyes at the rows of servers in the back room. “Um…Sam…you really don’t want me back here,” he said half-joking. 

“Why’s that? Sam asked with a raised eyebrow as he started them booting up. 

“Little computers aren’t so bad, but bigger stuff…well it doesn’t like me very much. In fact, they tend to self-destruct at my mere presence.”

Sam laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind. I’m done in here anyway.” He led the way up front and started turning on the computers.

Gabriel saw what he was doing and this part he could do. “Want me to start on the other side?” he asked. 

“If you want to,” Sam said with a shrug. He felt kinda bad for putting Gabriel to work, but it wasn’t actually that hard and Sam did pay for lunch and Gabriel had offered, so he let it go. With Gabriel’s help he finished a few minutes before Gabriel had to start heading back, so he perched on the nearest desk and nervously reached out to take Gabriel’s hand, so Gabriel took a step forward so that he was close enough to touch, but still far enough to not be crowding the taller man. “So you coming by this afternoon?” Sam asked. 

“Was thinking about it,” Gabriel told him. Truth was Gabriel didn’t know how much longer he could afford to keep coming here. He was running out of corners he could cut to save money. Working with the kids was a very rewarding job but it didn’t pay much in the way of money. Today though? After all this? He wouldn’t miss it for the world. He could come up with some excuse another day. 

“Good,” Sam said, heart about to beat out of his chest and he tried to remember how to breath as he leaned forward. It was all for naught though because as soon as his lips met Gabriel’s there was no hope of anything as trivial as air interfering with the moment as Gabriel’s hand that wasn’t in Sam’s came up to cup his cheek and Sam’s free hand moved to rest lightly on Gabriel’s waist. 

Sam was far too nervous to consider deepening the kiss and Gabriel didn’t dare try to push anything now, so it stayed short and chaste, but it couldn’t have been more perfect. For either of them. When it ended, Gabriel smiled softly at Sam, brushing his thumb over Sam’s cheek. “See you later, Sam,” he said in almost a whisper. 

“Bye Gabriel,” Sam said with no more volume, as Gabriel stepped away from him, squeezed his hand one more time and walked out the door, heading back to work.


	7. Chapter 7

When Gabriel got back to the cyber-café that afternoon, Sam met him with a smile and handed him a black card instead of the normal white one, brushing Gabriel’s hand with his as he handed it over. At the curious look on Gabriel’s face he explained. “It’s a priority access card. Ten hours a week. Didn’t seem fair to make you keep paying to use the computers when you’re mostly just here to stare at me,” Sam joked. 

“Someone’s a little full of themselves,” Gabriel teased and Sam chuckled. “So how long is it good for?” Gabriel asked. 

“Until I turn it off,” Sam told him with a shrug. 

“At least I have a good way to know when you’re mad at me,” Gabriel told him. “Or when you’re dumping me,” he added trying to gauge where they stood by Sam’s reaction to that statement. 

Sam leaned forward and said lowly, “Believe me Gabriel. If I dump you, you won’t need a card to know it.”

Gabriel wasn’t sure if that was meant to be arousing or menacing or both, but the only reaction it pulled from him was a shit-eating grin. That meant that there was something to end. Before he could make another remark, he heard footsteps behind him, and Sam glanced up before saying, “You can set up right there,” pointing at the nearest computer to him. It wasn’t done in a way to try and hide the fact that they were flirting. Sam wasn’t the type to play those games, but he was running a business and he had to handle his customers. 

Gabriel didn’t take offense at it. Just the opposite in fact. They were practically sharing a desk if Sam’s weren’t separated from the rest. He had never seen anyone in the front desks. Sam usually kept a good buffer between him and everyone else. He assumed they were only used when everywhere else was full, but he got the privilege of sitting next to Sam. Close enough to carry on a conversation when Sam wasn’t busy. 

Once he had that customer and the three more that had come in behind him in the after work rush, settled at their computers he turned to Gabriel, who wasn’t even pretending to use the computer at the moment. “So do you have your lunch at the same time every day?” Sam asked fake-casual. 

“Unfortunately not. Only on Mondays and Wednesdays. Not until twelve thirty the rest of the week,” Gabriel told him sadly. “I would love to take you out on Saturday, though,” he suggested. 

“Oh? Where to?” Sam asked. 

“It’s a surprise,” Gabriel told him and got a skeptical look from Sam. He’d had a month to plan the perfect first date with the man he’d been pining for the last ten years. Like it wasn’t going to be perfect. “You’ll like it. I promise.”

“Dress code?” Sam asked. 

“Casual.”

“Time?”

“Five?” 

“Pick me up at the back door,” Sam told him. 

Gabriel grinned and nodded. “Absolutely.”

The next few hours were spent with Gabriel absentmindedly surfing the internet when Sam was busy and chatting and flirting when he wasn’t. The next couple days went much the same way, but there was no actual contact between them other than the occasional brush of hands. Sam was very strict about keeping things at least reasonably professional during business hours. When Saturday rolled around they were both bundles of nerves. Sam usually hit the gym on Saturday nights, liking the peace and quiet while most people were out, but since he actually had plans tonight he decided to go in the afternoon. Maybe it would help calm his nerves. 

He definitely wasn’t expecting to see Gabriel there. Especially not sitting on a bench with a beautiful petite woman in front of him running her hand up his leg. Before his mind fully processed what he was seeing enough to jump to the wrong conclusion, Gabriel said, “Hey! Sam!” and waved him over. 

As he walked up he heard the woman ask, “Sam? THE Sam?” 

Gabriel blushed a bit, which Sam found endearing, and then barreled on. “Sam this is Doc Harvelle. She’s my physical therapist.”

“Nice to meet you. Didn’t know physical therapists worked out of the gym,” he said, a tiny hint of jealousy bleeding through. 

She laughed and said, “Please. Call me Jo. And after he over did it so much this week, I wanted to check him again before his workout as a courtesy.” She had been here anyway. It was the only decent gym in the area that didn’t cater to the college crowd. 

“So what the verdict?” Gabriel asked, replacing his brace. 

“Upper body only, cardio in the pool,” she told him getting a grimace in response. “Maybe that’ll teach you to take better care of yourself,” she said smugly. “Nice meeting you Sam,” she said warmly as she walked off. 

Sam and Gabriel grabbed machines next to each other as Sam asked, “I didn’t realize you were still in physical therapy after all this time.”

“Oh yeah. Probably will be for at least another year or two. I’ve only been walking again for two months,” Gabriel told him. 

“Oh wow. I didn’t realize that. I mean…it happened a year ago,” Sam said sympathetically. 

“Yeah. It was a nasty one,” Gabriel said as he worked out next to Sam.

“What did she mean, you over did it and weren’t taking care of yourself?” Sam asked. 

“Yeah that was me being stupid. One of my kids in the camp has some real talent and I was trying to show her this helicopter move, fancy footwork and ball work, too fancy for my knee to handle just yet apparently,” Gabriel said sheepishly. 

“That doesn’t sound very smart.”

“Yeah. It wasn’t. I just couldn’t resist. You know, it’s not losing my career that bothers me. That was always just a means to an end, but not being able to play at all…that’s the killer.” 

“Will you ever be able to again?” Sam asked, feeling bad for Gabriel. He had never realized how much the former superstar just loved the game. 

“Doc thinks I’ll be up a friendly game from time to time in about a year or so, but competitively? No.” 

“I’m sorry,” Sam said sympathetically. 

“Don’t be. No one ever gets to have everything. But the lucky ones get enough,” Gabriel said cryptically as they announced that the water aerobics class was beginning. “Guess that’s my cue to go play with the old people,” he laughed as he headed that way, leaving Sam to puzzle over what he meant. 

Sam preferred running outside for cardio so he just went to the gym for the weights, so he didn’t see Gabriel again before he finished his workout and left to get ready for their date. Just that word was enough to send him near hyperventilation again. He was going on a date. With Gabriel. He hadn’t been on a date period in two years so that was nerve-wracking enough, but with the guy that he’d simultaneously been in love with and despised for most of his life, that was terrifying. It took him an hour just to decide what to wear and he’d settled on a form-fitting black t-shirt with a red button down hanging open over top of it and a nice pair of jeans. 

Sam had just finished putting the last touches on his too long hair when he heard the buzzer for the downstairs door, and he ran down to get it. He saw that Gabriel had taken a similar fashion route, only with a forest green undershirt and a silver over-shirt that really brought out the gold in his hair and eyes. He found the way the shorter man was biting his lip nervously absolutely adorable and asked, “You gonna tell me where we’re going yet?” 

“Nope. You’ll see,” Gabriel said trying to will himself to relax. This would go well. It had to go well. He refused to consider another possibility.

Sam was surprised when they headed for a car. He was even more surprised to find that it was a ten-year-old Honda. “If I had to guess what kind of car you drove, this wouldn’t be it,” Sam said amusedly. 

“Well I used to drive a Lexus, but downgraded for practicality purposes,” Gabriel joked. 

“Really?” 

“Nah. Never really owned a car before. Was on the road to much to bother. I did always rent the fancy ones though if that counts.”

“How come you didn’t get one when you moved back here?” Sam asked assuming that Gabriel still had plenty of money left from his playing days, especially if he was teaching soccer at a kid’s camp.

“No point. I rarely drive anyway. Hell in the over a month I’ve been back this is only the second time I’ve been behind the wheel. The first time was when I drove home to sneak that box out of my parents’ house.”

Sam didn’t need to ask anything about Gabriel only having been home once. He’d read enough of his journal to know what kind of people his parents were and how they likely would have reacted to his sexual orientation. He wasn’t really one to talk. He hadn’t talked to his father since his graduation from high school and his brother he only talked to sporadically. It wasn’t that he didn’t get along with Dean. They were just very different people. Dean was a mechanic, barely graduated high school, and didn’t even know how to use a computer. They didn’t really have a lot to talk about. Not to mention that Dean lived four hours away. 

It was half an hour of casual conversation later before they were pulling into a parking lot and Sam couldn’t quite figure out from the outside, or the name, what kind of place it was. Gabriel took his hand as they headed inside and Sam threaded their fingers together with a smile. When they stepped in the doorway Sam couldn’t resist stopping to take in the scene. It was perfectly homey as there were couches and plush armchairs scattered throughout, most of the walls were filled with bookshelves, and the center was a café type setup. Sam quickly noticed the sign for the poetry reading tonight at seven, which was just over an hour away.


	8. Chapter 8

The lighting varied throughout. There were some places where the light was bright, some where it was fairly dim, but just enough for reading, and some hidden corners where it was quite dim, good for a little privacy, but not dark enough for anything that would be better off behind closed doors. Gabriel led them over to the counter to order. He got himself a hot chocolate and Sam ordered a green tea with mango. Gabriel let Sam choose where to sit and the taller man led the way over to the nearest dark corner. 

Sam sat down and draped his arm over the back of the couch and Gabriel sat down next to him. Sam let his arm fall to Gabriel’s shoulders and the smaller man leaned nervously against Sam and put his head on his shoulder. Sam was just as nervous as Gabriel, but then Sam was always nervous around Gabriel. “So I’m curious. How is it you’re usually so calm and relaxed, but with stuff like this you’re just as nervous as I am?” Sam asked him. 

“Easy. I’ll always have plenty of chanced to flirt. This…this might just be my only chance for this and I don’t want to screw it up,” he said sheepishly. 

Sam took a deep breath and gathered his courage before he leaned down and pressed a firm kiss to Gabriel’s lips only lingering for a few seconds, before he said, “How about this? I promise I’ll give you at least one more chance, even if you screw up, and you relax. We can’t both be bundles of nerves,” he suggested. 

Gabriel was still trying to restart his brain after the kiss and it took him a minute to register the fact that Sam had spoken at all and then another to realize what he’d said, and he gave a happy smile. He would get at least a second date, no matter what happened here. “Okay. Yeah. Deal.” They spent the next hour talking softly and just getting more comfortable with small touches. Sam’s arm would tighten around Gabriel and his finger’s glide over Gabriel’s arm. Gabriel kept reaching up to brush hair out of Sam’s eyes, even when there wasn’t any hair in his eyes, just for the excuse to touch him. 

Gabriel finally worked up the nerve to lean forward and kiss Sam, this time looking to deepen the kiss, which Sam immediately allowed. It was all Gabriel could do to smother his whimper when their tongues met. This right here, this was everything he’d ever wanted and he couldn’t believe he’d gotten this lucky. The kiss dragged out, staying slow and sweet and exploratory, until they both needed to breathe. When they pulled apart they rested their foreheads together as they tried to catch their breath. “Gabriel…what did you mean when you said the lucky people get enough?” It had been driving Sam crazy all day and somehow he had the idea that it had something to do with this so it seemed like a good time to ask. 

Gabriel shifted uncomfortably, but was saved from having to answer by the announcement that the poetry reading was starting. His meaning would be clear soon enough, if Sam wanted to hear it. If not, it could be called poetic license. Gabriel gladly took the opportunity to ignore the question, pressed one more quick kiss to Sam’s lips and turned to watch as the first person was called up, leaning against Sam, head on his shoulder as it started. He did his best to hide his nerves, which were for two reasons. One, his poetry sucked and he was about to read it to a room full of people, but the second and more important reason was that he was about to read it to Sam. If handing over his ten-year-old journal made him feel exposed, this was going to feel even more so.

As the reading went on, he was feeling better and better about the first reason. Some of it was really good, and some of it made his stuff look like Shakespeare. He knew that he would be going either last or close to last, if they got to him at all, and sure enough he was introduced as the last person. When they called his name, Sam turned to look at him surprised. Gabriel gave a nervous shrug and bit his lip as he got up and walked to the front. 

 

Once upon a time in another life  
Fate tossed me a pair of perfect hazel eyes  
And as they held me in their soulful gaze  
My heart felt nothing but fear and lies

I struggled and fought and tried to get free  
But every move I made just tightened the noose  
Those eyes held me prisoner many a day   
And I feared that I would never get loose

When the time came I simply walked away  
But those eyes forever haunted my dreams  
By the time I realized I’d been given a gift  
It was too late it seemed. 

Fate sent me a love that would make me whole  
That would drive back the darkness of night  
But I turned my back and threw it away  
Because I could see naught but my fright

I thought that I had learned too late  
Then came another twist of fate  
If I could work through the hate  
Then maybe, with luck, it wouldn’t be too late 

As Gabriel made his way back over to Sam and sat back down, he couldn’t even look at him, afraid of what he’d see in his eyes. Sam didn’t want to accept that though. He reached out and brushed a lock of hair from Gabriel’s eyes before cupping his cheek and turning his face up to look at him. He was pretty sure he knew the answer to his question, but he had to ask. “Was that…about me?” Gabriel bit his lip and nodded and Sam swallowed around the lump in his throat as he just breathed out, “Gabriel…” before losing his words and leaning forward to kiss the blonde in lieu of speech. 

By the time they broke apart, Sam had decided how to say what he needed to say. “You know how they say there’s a thin line between love and hate?” he said in almost a whisper. “Well sometimes there’s no line at all and you can feel both, just as strongly, at the same time, so then…then when the hate fades…” he couldn’t finish, but he knew he’d gotten his point across when he was captured in a desperate kiss by Gabriel. Neither of them could come out and say the words just yet, but they had both made their feelings known.

Gabriel blinked back the tears stinging his eyes at Sam’s roundabout declaration as he kissed the man senseless. He soon realized they would need to get off that couch in that dark corner before things went too far and he pulled away, leaving a few quick short kisses as he kept aborting the motion. “You ready for dinner?” he asked. 

Sam blinked a bit at the abrupt ending, but came to the same conclusion that Gabriel had. It was time to go. “Yeah. Good idea. I am kinda hungry.”

“So we have a choice, we can either go somewhere out here, or go somewhere we know closer to home,” Gabriel said leaving it up to Sam. 

Sam heard the unasked part of the question. Go somewhere no one knew them and would be unlikely to ever see them again or go somewhere where they would probably be seen by people they knew and would see regularly. Sam smiled as he said, “I like that little steakhouse on seventh street.”

Gabriel grinned and kissed Sam quickly once more. “The steakhouse it is,” he said as he got up and held out his hand for Sam, helping him up before threading their fingers together as they walked back to the car. Once they were back on the road, Gabriel turned his attention back to the question that Sam had asked before the poetry reading. “Do you still want to know what I meant when I said the lucky people get enough?” 

Sam was pretty sure he knew now, but still wanted to hear it from Gabriel, so he just said, “Yeah.”

“Well no one gets everything. I couldn’t have this and my pro career. My career was enough to make me happy, but now that’s gone. This, though. This is also enough to make me happy. So I’m lucky in that I still have enough.” 

“And if a miracle happened and you were able to get your career back?” Sam asked. It wasn’t as far-fetched as it may seem. He knew these pro clubs often pulled in injured players for coaching or support positions. 

“Wild-horses couldn’t drag me away from here. Not now,” Gabriel said sincerely, reaching over to take Sam’s hand for a moment and give it a squeeze before he put both hands back on the wheel. 

Sam didn’t know what to say to that, so he settled for saying nothing and just lifted a hand to run his fingers through Gabriel’s hair. “I always wanted to do that you know,” he said with a soft smile. “I always wondered how soft your hair would be and what it would feel like.”

“I know the feeling,” Gabriel said leaning slightly into Sam’s touch. “You always had such beautiful hair.”

That was part of the reason that Sam kept his hair so long. He loved having people play with it. “Feel free to play with it as much as you want,” he said with a chuckle. 

“Same to you, Sam,” Gabriel said cheerfully. 

The rest of the way to the restaurant, and then while they ate, was spent in light conversation. They both felt they had tackled enough of the heavy topics for one night, and Gabriel drove Sam home and walked him to the door and they quickly picked up where they had left off at the café. Gabriel soon found himself pressed against the wall as hands and lips explored. When Sam’s lips went to Gabriel’s neck and he felt Sam’s erection pressed against his own, a moan pulled from him, and his hand that had wandered to Sam’s ass a few minutes ago, tightened, pulling the taller man even closer. “Sam…I…I should probably go if I’m going to…before I can’t,” he managed to say even as he gripped Sam tighter. 

“Then don’t,” Sam murmured against his neck as he reached over and opened the door, pulling himself away from the smaller man long enough to give him the option to leave if he wanted to and Gabriel just stood there, leaning against the wall, looking gloriously disheveled as he tried to catch his breath. Sam stood in the doorway, not in any better shape, but hiding it better, as he asked, “You coming?” 

“Oh hell yeah,” Gabriel breathed out as he quickly made his way in the door and followed Sam up the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> extended ending incoming in a different story for those who want it. I don't want to have to change the rating on this one.


End file.
